Today is a very peculiar day. We started the day out like any other Mondays. But on the way to drop me off at yoga, we had an argument about money. Nothing crazy. Not a new topic. Frank was furious, spun off after he dropped me off. I was fuming, hoping some yogaing will calm my nerves. Nope, all I kept thinking was filing for a divorce.
Frank picked me up an hour later, I mentioned the idea of us splitting up and of course, he chose to not say a word. I wasn’t mad when I got into the car, I just wanted to talk. By the time we got home and I finished making my lunch, I was already getting annoyed with the that fact he still didn’t want to talk about it!!!
Of course, we “tried” to talk it out but we never see eye to eye. Which got me mad and I stormed off. Printed out the papers to be filed. I have filled it up, all is needed is Frank to go through it. Have it signed and send the papers in.
It has been almost 6 years since we got married. This adventure is no ordinary one. I have one fuckup family Frank has to deal with. I am depressed half the time we are married. We are constantly trying to
make things work at the shop because of my crazy yearly wrist surgeries. Last year was a fucking nightmare for us. But this year everything seems so hopeful for us! We managed to figure out a lot of what is causing my depression and anger, besides for fact my family is totally screwed up. It has been the sexual abuse that have happened to me as a child and I have always tucked it away so nicely till recently. So topping all this craziness and the wonderful fact that I can speak to dead people makes it all so perfect. Realizing that there is a spirit or devil or whatever he is, that is attracted to me, influencing my thoughts and giving me no peace, has just made me a big pot of mess.
Frank is ever so kind and loving and patient and thoughtful and everything one can ask for. He is grounded and keeps me grounded even when it feels like a storm is brewing around me. It is so unfair of him to have to deal with my shit. He always deserve better. Someone that is calm and have no drama in her life.
We hardly fight. An argument usually dissolves fast between us. We do so much together. We work, we yoga, we train the dogs together… We do everything together. We love and dislike the same shit. It seems just too prefect, right?! But I just realized today we never agree on anything. Any decision I make is always a “no” from him. I would somehow hoax him into saying “okay” and I will get my way. That is why we never have any huge arguments or fights or disagreement. It is because he is always obligated to make me happy. How sweet right?! But what about his happiness?!
He does not agree on filing for a divorce. But I am adamant about it. I am not sure why I feel so strongly about it. Frank thinks it is devil, and sort of think so too. He told me to give him some time. Not sure how much time he needs. But I will try to bug him after he is done ironing. I want the papers signed. And we need to figure what we are going to to about the dogs and the business.
Not sure how things will be like once it is all said and done. Hope I won’t feel different about decision later…